Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Episode 32- The First Night

I was very fortunate that Hailey latched on and nursed right away. I was surprised since she had been away for so long after birth, but she was eager to eat. Go figure! Ethan had also been very hungry and good at eating from the get go, so I felt very blessed. The first few hours after our meeting was pretty uneventful, but I was in a massive amount of pain. Upon Ethan's' delivery they discovered I had an allergy to morphine which is normally administered through the IV right after birth. But this around I didn't have it and what ever they did give me, did nothing to ease the pain. It was like taking an aspirin for a migraine headache.

I had the cutest nurse named Lindy. She was so attentive and helped me a lot. She had three kids of her own and it was nice getting to talk to her. By bedtime I was feeling pretty confidant in myself and my ability to in fact be a new mom again. Cody wanted to stay over night with me, but I thought it was silly and I made home go home. I didn't see any reason for him to stay because I was doing okay and I wanted him at home with Ethan. He protested but I finally won and he left the hospital at about 10:00 that night.

That was right around the time Lindy's shift ended and suddenly I was left alone in my room and I started to get nervous. I thought about calling Cody to come back, but I decided against it. I was very anxious about how my wind down routine would go there at the hospital. The nurses were aware of the medication I would take at bedtime, but of course since I was a patient they had to give it to me directly from the pharmacy. The new nurse came in to give me my drugs and check all my vitals again before bed. I don't know why I had it in my head that my routine would go unchanged. Everything was out of wack. I felt so cold and alone and very very scared.

To make a very long story short, the night was pure hell. It was by far the worst night I'd experienced in my life. Even worse than the night when the "monster" told me to drink Drain-o. My nurse that night was actually the charge nurse and she was an idiot. She was so old school and had her own way of doing things and disregarded all of my wishes. I tried to be patient with her, but she kept brushing me off. She upped my dosage of pitocin and I was in an incredible amount of pain all night. Every time I contracted I felt like my insides were being ripped apart. I later found that to be true (keep reading and you'll see why).

I kept telling the nurse Carol I HAD to get some sleep. She obviously had not read anything in my chart that Draper had instructed. He wrote that sleep was my top priority but she obviously didn't care. At one point she came in and put Benadryl in my IV. Benadryl...something I had a bad reaction to and caused me panic attacks. It was in the chart. She didn't look or didn't care. The drug made me very groggy and unable to communicate, but not at all sleepy. It did the opposite to me, as it always did. My mind raced in circles for hours until it wore off. But physically it made me so I could barely pick up my hand to press the call button. When ever anyone came to check on me I probably said something like "Pain...hurts...stop it...sleep..." I couldn't get any words out. Inside I was screaming. The pain was almost unbearable, brought on directly from the unnecessary amount of pit in my veins.

To make things worse, I never once saw my baby during the night. For some reason they thought I was better off with her in the nursery all night receiving bottles of formula. Oh...the thought of it fills me with hate. They had no right!!! Looking back on it, knowing what I know now, I would have been much better off holding my new baby all night long, nursing her, on an extremely low dose of pitocin, and in and out of twilight sleep. Had I not been give the Benadryl or the very high dose of pit, that could have been possible. I wouldn't have really slept, but ti would have been much more peaceful and relaxing for me. And my heart wouldn't have hurt so much being away from my baby. It's not like I got an ounce of sleep anyway, so what would it have mattered otherwise?

1 comment:

Valerie said...

I want to egg that nurse's house! But really...that is HORRIBLE!