Cody's brother and his wife were out of the country on vacation so his mom (Jane) was in town babysitting their little boy. Jane came over the day after the ER incident and was in and out of our house a lot during the week. She turned out to be a Godsend and practically took over Mommy duties to Ethan.
Night after night passed and still I did not sleep. Going that long with out sleep will do crazy things to your head. I caved and on two different nights I took an Ativan pill. I hated myself for doing it because the ER doctor's words kept running through my brain. I averaged two hours of sleep each night.
I had an appointment to see my OB, a new doctor whom I'd never met before who was recommended by an acquaintance. I was sad that my OB with Ethan had retired and was currently serving as a mission president in Florida. On day four of virtually no sleep Cody and I went in to see Dr. Brown.
It was the typical first appointment including all of the standard exams. I thought that when I saw the baby on the ultrasound that I would feel better about things. I felt that I needed to see the baby and the beating heart to know that things were okay and that the drug and my mental state had not harmed her. The ultrasound confirmed that things were healthy and viable, as far as he could see at that point anyway.
Cody and I then sat in Dr. Brown's office to discuss things. I explained to him everything that had taken place in the previous days and I wanted desperately for him to say "Oh, this has all happened because.....and here is the magic fix to get things back to normal." No such words were spoken and he was as baffled as we were. He said that Ativan wasn't healthy for pregnancy and that I should dump the rest of it. However, he gave me no alternative. We left there feeling just as confused and frustrated as when we entered the office.
By Friday things were scary bad. I hadn't eaten in days and my mind was doing funky things. I began to have mild hallucinations at this point and panic attacks were extremely regular. Cody made some calls and got me an appointment that day to see Dr. Schneiman, a psychologist who specialized in panic disorders and phobias.
I sat during our first session that afternoon in a state of utter despair. The world around me seemed surreal, yet all TOO real at the same time. I sat in his office wearing sunglasses because every muscle in my body was extremely weakened, even the pupils in my eyes and they couldn't regulate constriction to block out light.
Dr. Schneiman had a theory that the July 4th incident of no sleep triggered my "fight or flight" response and that for some reason my body had not been able to shut it off. He said "The first thing we have to do here is get you sleeping, at any cost. Your health MUST come before the health of the baby, but let's make it a goal to keep both of you in perfect health." He then called Dr. Brown and they discussed some safe alternatives to Ativan. Dr. Brown called in a prescription for Ambien. I'd seen the commercials and I figured that this would in fact be the magic fix. Get me sleeping, problem solved!
Aahh, I felt like I could breathe a sigh of relief. We left the office that day feeling hopeful because Dr. Schneiman had been so proactive. We headed to the pharmacy.
Night after night passed and still I did not sleep. Going that long with out sleep will do crazy things to your head. I caved and on two different nights I took an Ativan pill. I hated myself for doing it because the ER doctor's words kept running through my brain. I averaged two hours of sleep each night.
I had an appointment to see my OB, a new doctor whom I'd never met before who was recommended by an acquaintance. I was sad that my OB with Ethan had retired and was currently serving as a mission president in Florida. On day four of virtually no sleep Cody and I went in to see Dr. Brown.
It was the typical first appointment including all of the standard exams. I thought that when I saw the baby on the ultrasound that I would feel better about things. I felt that I needed to see the baby and the beating heart to know that things were okay and that the drug and my mental state had not harmed her. The ultrasound confirmed that things were healthy and viable, as far as he could see at that point anyway.
Cody and I then sat in Dr. Brown's office to discuss things. I explained to him everything that had taken place in the previous days and I wanted desperately for him to say "Oh, this has all happened because.....and here is the magic fix to get things back to normal." No such words were spoken and he was as baffled as we were. He said that Ativan wasn't healthy for pregnancy and that I should dump the rest of it. However, he gave me no alternative. We left there feeling just as confused and frustrated as when we entered the office.
By Friday things were scary bad. I hadn't eaten in days and my mind was doing funky things. I began to have mild hallucinations at this point and panic attacks were extremely regular. Cody made some calls and got me an appointment that day to see Dr. Schneiman, a psychologist who specialized in panic disorders and phobias.
I sat during our first session that afternoon in a state of utter despair. The world around me seemed surreal, yet all TOO real at the same time. I sat in his office wearing sunglasses because every muscle in my body was extremely weakened, even the pupils in my eyes and they couldn't regulate constriction to block out light.
Dr. Schneiman had a theory that the July 4th incident of no sleep triggered my "fight or flight" response and that for some reason my body had not been able to shut it off. He said "The first thing we have to do here is get you sleeping, at any cost. Your health MUST come before the health of the baby, but let's make it a goal to keep both of you in perfect health." He then called Dr. Brown and they discussed some safe alternatives to Ativan. Dr. Brown called in a prescription for Ambien. I'd seen the commercials and I figured that this would in fact be the magic fix. Get me sleeping, problem solved!
Aahh, I felt like I could breathe a sigh of relief. We left the office that day feeling hopeful because Dr. Schneiman had been so proactive. We headed to the pharmacy.
1 comment:
There is a nerve in your foot that if you go to a "reflexoligist" can sometimes help shut off the "flight or fight" mode. When My babies are up crying all the time I take them to my mom who does reflexology, and she helps shut it off again. Some kids who seem to have ADHD or ADD - actually have that nerve turned on, and as soon as it is turned off they are calm... My brother was one of them.
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