Sunday, July 13, 2008

Episode 3- Celexa & Xanex

Friday was the best night yet and it felt like a good dream. I took an Ambien, sat down on the couch to wind down with the TV, and in a short while I wandered into bed. I laid my head on the pillow and it felt like I was on a cloud moving down a conveyor belt. The world was a big marshmallow.

I gently drifted off to sleep and slept for four hours...then suddenly my eyes shot open and BAM!!! It was 2:00 in the morning and I was wide awake. As hard as I tried ti fall back asleep, the more frazzled I became and the all too familar feeling of panic started to take over again. But somehow I got it under control and I was somewhat calm until the sun came up. Saturday morning I figured that four hours of sleep was far better than none, and I felt my body had recharged just enough to feel human again. I still felt like I was in a London fog, but I was grateful for any ounce of sleep at this point.

Saturday night was an exact repeat of Friday. Four hours, then BAM!!! Sunday night, again the exact same. Like clockwork I shot wide awake four hours later and was awake for good. Over the weekend I did a mediocre job at keeping my panic attacks at bay. I had a few, but they weren't as often as they had been before. The four hours of nightly sleep I was getting was just enough.

However, Monday morning Jane called and I couldn't control myself. I "emotionally vommited" all over the phone and she rushed right over. Oh how I was grateful she was in town. She tried her best to keep me sane all day. We went for walks, washed her car, went to her favorite yarn shop, anything to distract me. But all day long tears streamed down my face. Why was I feeling like this? What had happened to my once normal mind and body? Had I been cursed? Did God suddenly have a score to settle?

Jane said I needed to call Dr. Brown and start on an antidepressant. She had experince with this due to some emotional and hormal problems and she convinced me to call him. That evening an Rx of
Celexa (Citalopram) and Xanex (Alprazolam) was in my hand.

Jane said that I was likely going to be so relaxed and sleepy after I took it. Dr. Brown said it was safe to take Celexa, Xanex and Ambien together so again, right before bed time I swallowed the cocktail.

To shorten a gruesome and long story, I was awake 100% of that night and I was hallucinating big time. I constantly saw a dark shadow-like figure moving around the room. Scared only touches the surface of what I was feeling. Not only was I seeing things, I was hearing a voice too. It kept telling me that I needed to drink Drain-O. I lied on the floor of the living room most of the night seeing this figure and hearing it's voice.

4 comments:

Katelynn said...

Thank you so much for sharing. You're helping a multitude of women. I can't wait for further installments.

I'm also happy to hear you're doing well now.

R.D.L.L said...

Wow, here is proof that these days we think everything can be fixed with pills. It is scary how easily we can get prescriptions.

Ute Family said...

Oh my gosh! I am so scared for you at this point! And I can't believe you can remember all of this detail.

The Waters said...

Hi, I don't know you but I don't belive that you were halucinating. I believe that when we take drugs that weaken our minds, Satan and his "angels" have more power over us and I truly belive that because of a weak mind, you were being taken advantage of by evil. I can sympothise to a point because I have had buffetings with out a weakened mind, I can't imagine the power and strength of evil when you are in the condition you were in. "In the name of Jesus Christ I command you to leave" has usually worked for me. Not that you were mentally in a state to think of that but I am interested to know if you truly believe it was all a figment of your imagination or if you feel otherwise?????