Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Episode 6- OCD

During my life I have always been a perfectionist in some aspects. I think that most of us are to some degree. Perfectionism can be a great thing, but as I stayed in the hospital the doctors took my level of perfectionism and maginified it several degrees. They theorized that it was why I snapped. They tried to label me OCD.

It really bothers me when people take this serious disorder and label themselves this. It is so severe and if you've ever met someone who genuinely has it, you should thank your lucky stars that you are not OCD...you just like order in your life.

I was shocked that the doctors labeled me this, but I see why they did so. It's an easy fix with medication. Many of our one on one sessions included "treatment" for this disorder. And when I say treatment, I mean an increased dosage of one thing or another.

This is what really makes me loathe psychiatrists. As I said before, they seek out drama in patients who don't have any to offer. They did this to me time and time again. They take a tiny instance of insanity and enlarge it 1000x until you actually believe that you must be crazy or diseased. And they are not interested in really fixing the underlying problem.

Not once during my stay there did a doctor try to figure out what happened that night. I know now exactly what happened to me, but it's taken me three years to figure it out. If only someone had thrown away their Rx pad and not imediately thought to add this med or that med to the mix. Figure out what happened that night of July 4th and fix the problem. No one ever did that. Instead I was left with an incredible amount of medication, absolutely no freedoms or rights, a fetus I was sure had been harmed, and doctors who thought I had been molested as a child.


Carli Webb said...

write more! I want to know the rest of the story! And have it published!

Jylaire said...

You should seriously write for a living! I'm hooked! I still can't believe that i lived so close, and had next to no idea that anything was wrong! Thanks for sharing your story! I'm sure it'll touch a whole lot of hearts!

Chambers Family said...

Wow, I cannot believe that being pregnant, the doctors still decided to overload you with drugs. What a nightmare! I'm so glad that you are still married and able to be a mom and overcome this horrible unexplained experience. How were you brave enough to get pregnant again? I was so scared after Braden's experience and that wasn't even myself! I want to become a school counselor and have needed to take psychology classes and I have found it fascinating, but I have never applied it to real life. It takes on a whole new meaning when it could be you having the disorder!

Alicia Jane said...

I'm waiting to read the rest too! and you are such a great writer...all the cliff hangers! Seriously, this is really touching to read because I went through something, although a little different, like this and have never really told anyone (mainly because it's just so hard to talk about). Thanks for sharing and giving us encouragements too!

Amy said...

I HATE Psychiatrists too. With a passion. I had pretty bad anxiety which was me worrying ALL the time and I had bad insomnia and the Dr. I went to had me on super doses of lexapro, ambien, wellbutrin ( to contradict the sex side effects of lexapro) and then on a sleep medicine that was actually an ANTI PSYCHOTIC because the traditional sleep meds didn't work on me.

I had a seizure from all these meds mixed together!! What an ass. I have a permanent scar from where I fell during my seizure.

I hate THESE DOCTORS. I think meds have a place buy Psychiatrists just throw SO MANY at you...

And all for what. Me worrying all the time. Its not like I was psychotic!