Monday, October 13, 2008


I've had many people ask me how I remember so many details and how I'm able to write it all in story form. I have always been a serious chronicler and documenter, so obviously I kept a journal through this event. Some people have said that they would have blocked most of this from memory of it had happened to them. Well I feel that it is a gift that I remember the details so vividly. And as I sit and write, it amazes me how the memories come flooding back as if it were yesterday. When I get to the episodes surrounding my second hospitalization, I will likely take pieces directly from the journal because I don't think I'll be able to reenact that kind of drama. Some of those entries are extremely ugly and terrifying.

I know it is a gift from God that allows me to remember, because through writing it out, I am helping people. I can't count the numerous emails I get from strangers who say this story is helping them. Either they themselves have/are experiencing something similar or someone close to them is going through it. So I feel that the Lord is blessing me as I write to be able to conjure up feelings and emotions that I otherwise would try to suppress.

I've also had people ask me if I would consider writing a book. The answer to that is- I don't know. Draper and I talked about it on a few occasions, but I never thought anyone would be interested in publishing anything like this. Who would read it anyway? So that is why I decided to start the blog a few months ago. Maybe one day it will get turned into a book, but for now I'm slowly chronicling it this way. If anything, I want my posterity to be able to read what I've written.

I've also had people ask me how I'm able to write about this and not get sucked back into depression. Again, I think the Lord is helping me and shielding me at the same time. And I decided when I first started writing that I would only allow myself twenty minutes at a time to blog. I have a timer here on the desk and when I sit down to write I set it for twenty minutes. When it dings, I have to stop. Then I pick right back up where I left off. So that's one way I don't get sucked back in.


The Monkey Mama said...

Veronica- Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.
Who would read your book? I would.

While I was dealing with some PPD, I read Brooke Shields' book about her experiences.

Recently I read Tina Zahn's book Why I Jumped.

Both books helped me to understand PPD more and have helped me to take another look at my experiences.

If you were to write a book, it would touch a group of women that these other two books didn't- LDS women. It has been so touching to read your testimony throughout the experiences that you are sharing.

Whether you write a book or not, I appreciate what you are sharing with us.

Thank you,
(squamgirl from bbc)

Valerie said...

I agree with everything Cortney said. :)

I wish I would've journaled my PPD experience. I feel like a whole year of my life is missing. There are some things I can't remember that went on during that time. Yet, the sensations and feelings sometimes flashback when I smell that certain candle or the shampoo I used at the time. Its odd.

Thanks again for sharing your journey. I look forward to it every day.

Ute Family said...

That's a good idea with the what a smart woman you are. I bet it's also nice to know all the things you know about the spritual things in life. I'm sure that helps a ton knowing that God indeed has a plan for you.