Friday, October 3, 2008

Jumping Ahead- Why I Love Hailey

As I sit here and read what I have written, I am distraught to see my feelings toward her so long ago. But in my defense, they weren't my real feelings at all. They were the feelings of a deranged, addicted, sleep deprived, disconnected, crazy, and overly emotional person who had taken over my body.

I am writing this so that my readers don't become too disheartened. I want you to know how much I love, adore, and cherish the sweet person who lived with my through this ordeal. As I tucked her into bed tonight, I was overcome with such deep feelings of love that my heart almost burst from my chest. We have gone through so much together, and I'm very thankful that Heavenly Father trusted me and loved me enough to assign me to be her mother. It is a task that seems daunting on an almost daily basis, but what mom doesn't feel that way about motherhood, right?

Hailey has an incredible life force about her. Her spirit is so strong and she has an awesome mission to fulfill in this life. How lucky am I to be such a huge part of her life, and to able to raise her and love her day to day. I know that one day she will read this and she will be saddened by my harsh words. So I say this to her.

Hailey, my sweet angel.
You were sent here to teach me lessons in life that I could learn no other way. I often wonder if maybe we were friends in the life before we came to earth. I wonder if we made a pact to love each other, help each other, and look out for each other along the way. The circumstances surrounding your entry into this world were likely not what we had in mind, but I wouldn't change it for anything. The things I have learned because of our experience together are priceless and they were necessary. Hailey, look at how far we've come. I love you more than you will ever be able to understand in this life. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, no price high enough, no sacrifice too great, if it means that it will ensure your happiness and your eternal salvation. You are my precious girl and I don't know what I did to deserve the honor of being your mother. I love you.


Gina said...

Oh she is so adorable! We love her and miss you guys!
I can't believe all you went through! Thanks for writing this, it is great to know each other's challenges and triumphs!

Valerie said...

Adorable pics. TFS

Krystin said...

I just might steal your idea, and write a letter to each of my kids. That is my biggest fear; that they will doubt my love for them and feel unwanted. Thanks for the inspiration!

Ute Family said...

That was VERY,VERY sweet. What kind things you had to say. Hailey will love reading this one day. You're an amazing mom and I'm so glad that you overcame your trials from back then :)