Watching Your Child Cry

It's often times so hard to sit back and watch your baby suffer. There is so much that they go through during the first year alone that is necessary pain. Necessary or not, it kills me to watch them hurt.

I remember when Ethan cut his first teeth and he was miserable. I did my best to soothe his aches and calm his fussiness, but there wasn't really anything I could do to make the hurt stop. When Hailey cut her first molars it was hell for all of us. I remember one day when she was fifteen months old I did nothing all day but hold her against me and cry along with her. She would scream and scream, then quiet down and finally fall asleep. Then the pain would start again and she would scream some more.

I rocked miles with her in that rocking chair during that month. Then one day Cody was brushing her teeth and he yelled excitedly "Get in here and feel this! Those suckers finally popped through!" Sure enough, we could feel sharp points on the back of her gums. Things were a lot better after that and I know she enjoyed her new found chompers because it made eating crunching things much easier. She was much happier from then on, until the next set of teeth came in.

I have often thought about that night when I sat in my car in the Targert parking lot and had that "discussion" with Heavenly Father. Looking back on it, I wonder how it made him feel. I wonder if he sat by me that night and held my hand and cried with me. I wonder if, in someway, he too tried to rock me to sleep and hurt as I hurt. How many miles did he calmly rock me during that time.

As much as I love my own children, I know that Heavenly Father loves me even more. He was my first father and I am his little girl. He saw the bigger picture and knew that I had to endure that terrible trial. He had a purpose and I'm sure he wanted to badly to be able to show it to me. But instead, I had to learn to trust him. He knew that it was for my own good that I go through it. But just like a loving parent, I'm sure he would have done alomst anything to make the hurt stop.

If I walked away from this experience having learned only one thing, it is that Heavenly Father knows me so personally. He knows who I am and he loves me more than I'll ever understand in this life. He gives me challenges so that I can grow, but he is always there wanting to help me along the way. He doesn't intend for me to suffer alone. He suffers right along with me and wipes my tears away. I can call on him any time that I need to and he is so quick to listen. I don't know if I could have developed a testimony of this on such a level any other way. And for that alone, I am thankful.